We all know that in marriage, it’s not always the big things that cause trouble—it’s the little things that build up over time.
Just like dust accumulates in the corners of our homes when left unchecked, small annoyances, unresolved hurts, resentment, unexpressed (or unrealistic!) expectations, and neglected moments of connection can clutter our marriage.
Song of Solomon 2:15 warns us about “the little foxes that spoil the vines,” reminding us that the small things we ignore can slowly damage our relationship if we aren’t careful.
Similarly, there are probably some small things you used to do for your husband that he appreciated, but you've slowly stopped doing them.
Could these be some of the little things in your marriage that need attention?
- expressing aggravation or annoyance when your husband speaks
- the habit of rolling your eyes instead of extending grace
- the unspoken resentment that has built up over time
- hinting or expecting him to "just know" what you want or need rather than clearly communicating your expectations and desires
These small things may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but when we don’t address them, they create distance.
Can you think of some things you used to do that you haven't in a while?
- Maybe you loved planning date nights and had a blast, but since he doesn't plan them you haven't been either.
- Perhaps you used to leave love notes around but life got busy and you haven't thought about it in a while.
What did you used to do for him while you were dating that you've stopped?
This is why staying in the Word is essential—Scripture doesn’t just give us insight into our relationship with God; it also convicts and teaches us how to love our husbands well (Ephesians 5:33).
When we study God's Word deeply, it transforms us into more godly wives who exemplify the fruits of the Spirit, including towards our husbands.
If you’re feeling distant from your husband, take some time to pray and ask the Lord to reveal any areas where you might need to dust things off, purge a few unhelpful habits, restore some prior romantic ones, and refresh your marriage with some new displays of respect.
James 1:22 reminds us to be doers of the Word, not just hearers.
That means if God’s Word calls us to be patient, gentle, and forgiving, and if we're called to honor one another above ourselves, we need to actually put those things into practice—especially in marriage.
This week, do a little “spring cleaning” in your marriage. Apologize for the harsh words, extend kindness where there’s been frustration, and be intentional about nurturing your relationship.
Just like a freshly cleaned home feels refreshing, a marriage free from built-up offenses will bring peace and joy.
If you'd like a little more guidance, check out my FREE 7-Day Spring Clean Your Marriage Challenge! You'll receive a PDF workbook and 7 days of emails that will walk you through refreshing your marriage biblically, one small step at a time.
You know what time it is...
Spring cleaning season is here, and while you may be busy dusting shelves and tossing out clutter, have you paused to consider that your heart might need a little decluttering, too?
Just like a messy home can make it hard to find peace, a heart weighed down by sin, distractions, or unaddressed emotions can keep you from walking closely with God - which in turn can wreak havoc on your marriage.
Hebrews 12:1 tells us to
lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us.
This is an instruction, which indicates that we have control over whether or not we do this.
If we want a deeper, more intimate relationship with the Lord, and a stronger, healthier marriage, we have to make space for God by intentionally, purposefully, obediently letting go of the things that get in the way.
Maybe you're struggling with bitterness or unrealistic expectations toward your husband; a grudge you’re holding against a friend; or just the never-ending to-do list that keeps pushing time with God to the bottom of it (which means it rarely, if ever, happens).
Whatever it is, there are some steps you can take to declutter the things in your heart that aren't serving you, your faith, or your family, and free up some space to invite Christ to fill you with godliness and fruits of the Spirit.
The first step in decluttering your heart is identifying what’s there.
You can do this by prioritizing your time studying Scripture.
When you spend intentional time in the Word, the Holy Spirit brings to light the things you need to surrender (Psalm 139:23-24).
If you don’t make space for Scripture in your life (daily if possible), you won’t even recognize the clutter you're carrying.
Spend time reading and studying the Bible, and then take a few minutes to journal out a few things you feel the Spirit is revealing to you that you need to let go of.
The next step is to actively let go of sin and negativity.
This is where you apply what you study.
If God’s Word calls you to forgive, you forgive. If it calls you to trust instead of worry, you surrender your anxieties in prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).
It’s not enough to simply acknowledge the clutter; you have to remove it. And just like with physical clutter, this is an ongoing process—not a one-time event.
As you take steps to declutter your heart, you’ll find that your time with the Lord feels more joyful and meaningful, your marriage will benefit from your softened spirit, and your joy in Christ will grow.
The final step is to replace the clutter with fruits of the Spirit.
In Matthew 12:44-45, Jesus tells us:
Then it [the demon] says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first.
When you simply try to stop doing or to release something, without replacing it with a godly alternative, you leave your mind, heart, and soul susceptible for the enemy to fill that space with even more clutter.
For example, you can try to stop thinking negative thoughts about your husband, but if you don't replace them with positive thoughts instead, you'll find yourself coming up with all sorts of other destructive assumptions to dwell on.
How do you cultivate the fruits of the Spirit? By practicing the core spiritual disciplines of Bible study, prayer, and worship.
If you need help getting started, I invite you to check out my free Quieting Your Mind Guide. This guide was created to help you learn how to experience deeper, more meaningful and fruitful connection with God in your quiet times.
Make time this week to sit with the Lord and ask Him to show you what needs to go. Then, be obedient in clearing it out and adding spiritual disciplines in so you can walk more freely with Him.
Sweet sister, have you ever thought about how much God’s love shapes your marriage?
I'm sure you've had thoughts about God bringing the right man to you to marry, maybe you've thanked Him for leading you to your husband, or maybe you've wondered if you actually did marry the right man.
But have you thought about how His love - His godly, enduring, long-suffering, faithful, selfless, servant-hearted love - daily affects your marriage?
God's love is the cornerstone, the glue, and the safety net all rolled into one.
Without His love, we’re left striving and falling short.
But when God’s love is your foundation - meaning it's the motivating factor behind every action and response you have towards your husband - everything changes.
God’s love is unconditional—it doesn’t depend on how well you “perform” as a wife. And that same unconditional love is what should spur you on to extend grace when your husband messes up, forgets something, hurts your feelings, disappoints you, or when you're in the middle of a heated argument.
It’s a love that chooses (intentionally, meaning you do have control over your ability to do this) forgiveness over bitterness and encouragement over criticism.
One of my favorite verses is 1 John 4:19:
We love because He first loved us.
As Christians, one of our goals is to become more Christlike each and every day.
Knowing that Christ loved you first, and you want to be more like Him, you should also desire to "go first" in your marriage - apologize first, respect first, organize date nights first, extend the olive branch first.
When you’re feeling worn out or unappreciated, let this truth sink in: God’s love isn’t only for you to receive; it’s for you to reflect. As Proverbs 11:25 reminds us:
One who waters will himself be watered.
When you water your marriage, you will be watered. When you reflect God's love to your husband, it creates a safe space for growth, healing, and joy.
This week, take time to rest in God’s love for you.
Meditate on Scripture, journal your thoughts, and ask the Lord to open your eyes to His love for you.
Then, look for opportunities to allow that love to overflow into your marriage—whether it’s a kind word, a forgiving heart, or a simple hug.
Bonus points for finding ways to specifically love your husband in his own love language.
Let’s anchor our marriages in God’s love and watch Him do amazing things through us.
Buckle up, buttercup; this topic may get a little bumpy.
Let me first say that if just the title of this post gets your blood boiling, there is clearly some unlearning and biblical learning that needs to happen. I have been there; I get it.
With that note out of the way, let’s chat about something I’ve wrestled with (and I'm sure you have to, unless it's a topic you've been told to ignore): serving my husband.
In our current feminist society, serving your husband is something only weak, controlled, subservient "trad wives" do. The world will tell you that in marriage, you shouldn't have to serve your husband. You should be equals and make each other happy and show mutual respect (some of which is true).
Scripturally, we're called to serve one another as a body of believers:
Galatians 5:13
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Ephesians 6:7-8
Rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.
Wives are called to submit to their husbands, which in and of itself is service to him. Being a "keeper at home" per Titus 2 is an act of service. When you apply those passages alongside the others that call believers to serve one another, it's obvious wives have a particular role in serving their husbands.
I don't know about you, but as a Christian, my goal is to understand Scripture so that I can apply and OBEY it. Obedience to God is EVERYTHING.
Simply knowing what the Bible says doesn't do us any good if we don't seek to live it out (even the demons acknowledge Jesus; the difference is they don't obey Him).
And so, the quest began to serve my husband out of obedience to Christ.
For a long time, “serving” felt like a chore, something I had to do because I was the wife.
But when I began to understand that serving him was a way to honor God and pour love into my marriage, my perspective shifted.
Serving your husband doesn’t have to mean elaborate meals or Pinterest-worthy gestures (unless that’s your thing - it's definitely not mine).
It can be as simple as asking how you can pray for him or surprising him with his favorite snack (Aldi has great random snack finds!).
The key is doing it with joy, not resentment or obligation.
- When you serve joyfully, it’s like planting seeds of love that will grow over time.
- When you serve joyfully, God is honored and glorified.
- When you serve joyfully, YOU will be more joyful.
- When you serve joyfully, your husband feels more loved and respected.
- When you serve joyfully, you set a biblical example for your children, your friends, and all of those in your circle of influence.
This month, why not make it fun?
Think of creative ways to bless your husband.
- Write him a note each day leading up to Valentine’s, telling him one thing you appreciate about him.
- Plan a date night that focuses on something he loves, even if it’s not your favorite (Top Golf?).
- Take on one of his chores for the day as an act of kindness.
- Rub his shoulders or back, or his legs if he holds tension there.
- Fill a jar with Hershey's hugs and kisses and give him a real one each time he takes out a candy.
- Send him a "meat bouquet" or a "jerky heart".
Remember, serving isn’t about getting something in return. It’s about showing Christ’s love in a tangible way.
And when you do it joyfully, your heart softens, your connection deepens, and your marriage gets a little sweeter.
So grab your planner or a sticky note and jot down some simple ideas to serve your husband today. Little things add up to big love.
Share your ideas in the comments, too! Let's inspire and encourage our sisters in Christ today!
Sweet friend, we know a strong marriage doesn’t just happen like in movies. In real life, creating a heavenly marriage requires intentionality, prayer, and inviting God into the center of your relationship.
It's too easy to get lost in the busyness of life, or the frustration of being married to someone who sins just like you do, and you forget to ask God to guide you how He sees fit in your marriage.
Since we're still in the beginning of a brand new year, let’s talk about three simple ways to intentionally invite God into your marriage.
First, commit to praying over your marriage, yourself as a wife, and your husband, regularly. Even if your husband isn’t a Christian, your prayers can make a powerful difference. Ask God to guide your heart, give you wisdom, and work in your husband’s life. Trust that God is at work even when you don’t see immediate results.
- Pray over your marriage itself, that God will use it to raise strong, godly children, that He will use the two of you together to exemplify the relationship between Christ and the Church as He designed marriage to function.
- Pray over yourself, that you would grow into the godly wife He's created you to be, and the one your husband needs you to be. For Scripture-based prayers you can pray over your growth as a wife, check out the Prayer Cards I've created based on Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3 HERE.
- Pray over your husband, not just that he would be the godly husband you need him to be, but pray over him as a man in general: for blessings, success at work, for his growth as a dad, as a friend, as a follower of Christ (or that he would give his heart to Christ if he hasn't yet).
Second, apply Scripture to your own actions within your marriage. Focus on how you can reflect Christ through love, patience, and kindness. When you live out biblical principles, you create a testimony of God’s grace that speaks louder than words.
It's important to study God's Word so that you know what God expects of you as a wife. Understanding your own role as a wife, and committing to obey God's instructions to wives regardless of whether your husband obeys, is crucial. As you study, learning how to make observations, correctly interpret, and accurately apply what you're learning is so important.
Often we read over Scripture and don't actually absorb it, or allow it to transform us. God gave us His Word in order that we can get to know Him, His heart, and His instructions for us. If you find yourself frequently wishing you could just hear God speak audibly to you and tell you what to do or what He wants from you, it's possible that you aren't absorbing or being transformed yet by what you're reading in the Bible. I am passionate about helping women learn how to do this, so if you don't follow me yet on Instagram or Facebook, make sure to go follow me now, and get on my email list!
Third, create a Christ-centered atmosphere in your home. Play worship music, display Scripture art, and prioritize joy and peace in your daily interactions. Even small changes can create an environment where God’s presence feels tangible.
Allow your husband and children to see you put God first by setting aside time to study His Word each day, asking for that uninterrupted time when needed. Your kids don't need to always feel like they come first, especially when they're seeing you put God ahead of them for just a few minutes.
Eventually, as you are transformed by His Word, they will see those changes and notice how you respond in gentleness and kindness, rather than in frustration and anxiety - and THAT will make the biggest impact on your husband, and your kids.
Want more ideas for building a God-centered marriage - and home? Let’s connect on Instagram where you can find me at @missiannsmith. That's where I share practical tips and encouragement for Christian wives to help you learn how to study Scripture for yourself and apply it to YOUR marriage. Let’s make this the year of growth and unity in our marriages!
