In the beginning...
I'm sure you know the story. God creates all the things, then He breathes life into man.
He sees the first male as alone, and decides he needs a helper; then He creates woman FROM man.
Notice the reason woman was created was to be a helper. That role wasn't a result of the fall; it was assigned to her prior to the fall.
On the other hand, what WAS a result of the fall was woman's desire "for" her husband - most understood and recognized as her desire to control him.
As a result, one of the most common struggles for wives is the tendency to take control—over the schedule, the parenting decisions, the finances, the way things are done.
But underneath that need to control is often fear. Fear of failure, fear of chaos, or fear that things won’t go “right” unless she steps in (which - SPOILER - is also a HUGE indication of pride).
But God doesn’t call you to live from a place of fear. He calls you to trust Him—and one way that trust shows up is in how you relate to your husband.
When you spend time renewing your mind in Scripture, you begin to release the tight grip of control and instead gain quiet, Christ-centered confidence.
Confidence in the Lord allows you to respond with grace when your husband leads differently than you would.
I've heard it said that the measure of a woman's trust in God can be seen in how she submits to her husband.
Trusting the Lord helps you speak with wisdom instead of worry. It builds your ability to communicate with love rather than criticism. And most importantly, it strengthens your faith in God’s sovereignty over your home and marriage.
Practical steps in this area might include:
- Choosing not to "correct" every small thing your husband does differently than you.
- Praying before giving your opinion in a tense conversation.
- Trusting your husband with a parenting or financial decision—and supporting him, even if it’s not what you would do.
- Respecting your husband's decisions - even if you think they're completely wrong - because you know God can protect and guide your family THROUGH any decision, wrong or right.
- Meditating on verses like Isaiah 26:3 or Proverbs 3:5–6 that refocus your mind on God’s control, not yours.
Christ-centered confidence isn’t loud, harsh, or forceful. It’s quiet strength that flows from being anchored in the Word.
When you shift from controlling everything to trusting God in everything, your home—and heart—will experience peace like you could never imagine.
Need a little help? Grab the Marriage Scripture Journal—a 4-week guide to help you study full chapters of God’s Word and apply them to your marriage with clarity and confidence.
I have a confession...
I used to google everything.
Marriage issues? Parenting decisions? Spiritual doubts? I’d type it all in and read a dozen articles—none of which ever fully settled my heart.
Why? Because worldly advice, even if it sounds good, will never satisfy a soul that was made to be led by God.
The Bible is full of wisdom for every area of life—yes, even the messy parts.
The hard conversations. The frustrating toddler years. The lonely seasons in marriage.
And yet so many Christian women are still leaning on influencers and life coaches instead of the Holy Spirit.
Why do you think that is? I have a theory...based solely on my own experience.
I think it's because simply googling and having someone give you a pat answer is SO MUCH EASIER (and requires less brain power) than studying God's Word and using wisdom and discernment.
Buuuuut here's the thing: we were not meant to outsource our spiritual guidance.
When I started replacing worldly advice with God’s Word, things changed.
I wasn’t as reactive anymore. I stopped needing everyone else’s approval (former people-pleasers, unite!). I stopped chasing results and started seeking righteousness.
God’s way is slower, quieter, and sometimes (okay most of the time) harder—but it’s always better.
Next time you’re tempted to scroll for advice, pause and open your Bible.
Ask: What does God say about this? What principle can I find in Scripture? And then—this part’s important—do what it says.
There are many situations in life that aren't specified in the Bible (e.g. "What if my teenager asks to be called by a different pronoun?" or "What should I do if my husband is verbally, spiritually, or physically abusive?"). That's when it's important to be familiar enough with Scripture that you can discern what God's heart would be on a particular topic - and you can point to biblical passages that explain your stance.
NOTE: seeking wise biblical counsel in difficult situations IS OKAY (Proverbs 11:14 tells us there is safety in an abundance of counselors; Proverbs 15:22 says with many advisors plans succeed). I'm not saying you should never seek counsel.
What I AM saying is that you should have a way to "test the spirits" and evaluate that the counsel you're receiving actually is biblical and not just take their word for it because they're "Christian".
The way you do this is by studying and knowing Scripture.
Wisdom isn’t just hearing God’s Word; it’s living it.
So sweet friend, stop settling for shallow or "feel-good" answers. You don’t need another expert opinion.
You need the mind of Christ. And that comes ONLY from His Word (1 Cor. 2:16). That’s where your true freedom is found.
Tell me in the comments: when is a time when you discarded worldly advice in favor of what you knew was biblical instead?
When I first heard the phrase “freedom in Christ,” I honestly thought it meant I didn’t have to follow a bunch of rules anymore.
I thought freedom meant no guilt, no standards, and no pressure.
But the more I studied Scripture for myself, the more I realized that freedom in Christ isn’t about doing what I want—it’s about finally being free to do what He created me to do.
As a wife and mom, that truth hit me hard - it still hits me hard when I really meditate on it.
I used to feel chained to expectations—mine, my husband’s, my kids’, the world’s.
I tried to be the perfect wife, the fun mom, the Pinterest-worthy homemaker. I was exhausted and still falling short.
But John 8:32 says,
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Once I started getting in the Word daily, not just reading devotionals or settling for a verse-of-the-day, but really studying the Bible, I realized I had misunderstood freedom.
Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I’m free from responsibility—it means I’m free within my calling.
I'm free from sin; I can't use the excuse that "I can't help myself" when I'm tempted to disobey, or to avoid an act of obedience.
1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us,
"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability"
I'm free from the "need" to please others, to be "just as good" at everything, and mostly importantly, I'm free from the need to control everything (the peace that comes when you recognize you're free from control because God Himself is in control...whew. THAT is peace beyond all comprehension!).
God’s Word gives me the boundaries I need to thrive in marriage, motherhood, and womanhood.
Scripture instructs me how to love my husband selflessly, how to train up my children, and how to fight the pull of sin - without trying to do it all in my own strength.
That’s real freedom.
If you’re feeling trapped—by shame, expectations, resentment, the tendency to control, or any other sin—I want to encourage you to open your Bible today.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal truth and freedom through it.
Pick a passage (maybe start in Romans 6!) and ask:
- What does this tell me about who Christ is?
- What does this tell me about what He desires from or for me?
- What lie have I been believing that this verse frees me from?
Truth is the key, friend. You don’t have to stay in bondage one more day, but you DO have to take responsibility for seeking that truth out in Scripture for yourself.
There’s no greater picture of forgiveness than the cross.
As Jesus hung there, suffering for our sins, He spoke words that still shake me to the core (Luke 23:34):
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"
If Jesus could extend that kind of mercy in His darkest moment, what does that mean for us in our everyday lives—especially in marriage and motherhood?
Forgiveness is hard. When your husband says something hurtful, when your kids push every button you have, when a friend disappoints or hurts you—it’s easy to hold onto resentment.
But sweet friend, withholding forgiveness, hanging on to that resentment and the bitterness that results, only keeps you in bondage.
Jesus didn’t just forgive to be nice; He forgave to set us free. And He calls us to do the same.
In marriage, forgiveness is crucial.
Regardless of how wonderful your husband may be, he will mess up—just like you do.
Choosing to forgive, rather than keeping score, creates an environment of grace where love can thrive.
A practical step? Instead of rehashing past wrongs, choose to focus on solutions and moving forward together.
I know what you might be thinking: "What if he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again?"
That's an entirely different topic, but let's touch on it real quick.
If it's a true sin issue where he is unrepentant, like looking at porn, cheating, getting drunk every night, abuse, or other things that are clear-cut sins, I would encourage you to seek wise, godly, biblical counseling. There are different nuances within each of those issues that go deeper than I can discuss in a blog post.
If it's a personal conviction - or even just personal preference - issue where you don't want him to do something (or TO do something) that he doesn't keep up, I would encourage you to seek God and ask if this is a situation where He is asking YOU to change. Your husband's convictions will likely be different from your own on many topics. You may feel convicted about living a clean, toxin free lifestyle; he may not feel convicted to prioritize that.
Listen, I will be real with you and say this one is a STRUGGLE for me. While it doesn't necessarily require me to forgive my husband, it DOES require me to continue treating him with respect, honor, and love, despite any aggravation I may feel because he's not doing the things I feel convicted that he should be doing.
If you're experiencing anything like that, please reach out to me - I would be honored to walk through this with you and offer any biblical wisdom or godly counsel that I am able.
As moms, we can also model forgiveness for our children.
When they see you forgive quickly and extend grace, they learn to do the same.
A simple way to practice this is by apologizing when you lose our temper or forget to follow through on something, showing them that grace isn’t just something you talk about—it’s something you live.
This also gives them an opportunity to practice forgiveness themselves.
And I can hear another question you might be asking: what if the other person hasn't asked for forgiveness?
Romans 5:8 tells us:
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
You didn't ask for forgiveness before Christ gave His life for you.
There are so many others who have been offered forgiveness in Christ that have not asked for His forgiveness - yet it is still extended, available to them, offered freely.
The forgiveness you give FREES YOU from bitterness, resentment, anxiety, anger, and the actual physical manifestations of those things that can wreak havoc on your body and ruin your ability to live out God's will for you.
Let's deal with another question: does forgiveness require me to reconcile?
If the other person is unrepentant in their sin, and maintaining a relationship with them puts you in a situation that is dangerous (emotionally, physically, spiritually), then NO - you are not required to reconcile. Reconciliation takes two people works towards a shared goal of unity in the relationship.
If the other person is repentant and actively desiring reconciliation, and you see fruit of the repentance in their life indicating that a relationship with them could be safe, then I would encourage you to prayerfully consider reconciling with them. Depending on the severity of the sin committed against you, this is absolutely something you will need to seek God's guidance in.
The cross teaches us that forgiveness is powerful. It breaks chains, heals wounds, and brings peace.
As a response to our Easter celebration two weeks ago, focusing on Christ's resurrection, let’s ask God to soften our hearts and help us walk in the freedom that comes with forgiving as we have been forgiven.
When we think of Easter, we usually think of that one Sunday each year when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ.
We know His resurrection means new life, so we celebrate with eggs, chicks, bunnies, and flowers, all the things that evoke feelings of freshness, newness, and beginnings.
After that one day is over though...then what?
The resurrection of Jesus invites us into a whole new way of living—every single day.
Romans 6:4 tells us,
Just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
And there's the question...what does it actually mean to walk in newness of life when we’re knee-deep in laundry, tantrums, marriage difficulties, and the never-ending cycle of responsibilities?
What does this look like, day in and day out? When nothing feels new anymore, but instead you just feel stuck and stale?
Walking in newness of life starts with a mindset shift.
Instead of waking up dreading the demands of the day, you can wake up intentionally thinking about the truth that you are a daughter of the risen King.
The same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in YOU, giving you strength to meet those demands - to love your husband well, have patience for your kids, and find joy in the mundane.
Those are all fruits of the Spirit, and if you are intentional about growing in Christ, those fruits will be grown and developed in you.
One practical way to develop this mindset is by renewing your mind daily through Scripture.
The enemy wants you to believe that you're stuck in your bad habits, your overwhelmed schedule, your frustrations, hormone imbalances, and your struggles.
But when you fill your mind with God’s truth, you're reminded that you're a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
What does this look like, to fill your mind with God's truth?
Waking up anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour earlier to prioritize God in your life by reading and deeply studying His Word, recognizing that He alone is the source of your strength and ability to walk in newness of life each day - but if you don't spend TIME with Him, you aren't accessing the strength, joy, and growth He offers you.
If you have no idea where to even start reading the Bible, or how to study it, please reach out to me! God has given me such a deep desire to help teach and guide women in learning how to read and study His Word, and I would be happy to walk alongside you.
Another way to walk in newness of life is by choosing joy.
Instead of getting caught up in frustration, you can make the intentional choice to pause, breathe, take your thoughts captive, and remind yourself that Jesus is alive—and that reality changes everything.
A simple habit of starting the day with gratitude or ending it with a quick reflection on how you saw God’s goodness can make a huge difference.
Grab a simple dollar store journal to keep at your bedside so you can jot a few things down when you wake up, or before you head to bed each night.
Every day is a chance to live differently because of what Jesus has done.
Let’s not just celebrate the resurrection one Sunday a year—let’s walk in that newness of life every single day.
Tell me: what are some ways you intentionally walk in newness of life each day?
