If you find yourself overthinking every decision—afraid that you're always one wrong move from ruining everything—I just want to gently say:
You’re not alone.
You’re not alone.
I talk to so many women who feel stuck in their own heads, second-guessing their choices. The stakes feel high.
Should I homeschool or send them to school?
Should we move or stay?
Is this opportunity from God—or am I just being selfish?
You want to get it right. You want to honor God.
And that’s a good thing.
But when that desire turns into fear—fear of failure, fear of getting it wrong, fear of disappointing someone—you're not walking in freedom anymore.
You're walking in bondage dressed up as “obedience.”
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
Sweet friend, God isn’t waiting for you to trip.
He’s not hiding the “right” answer behind Door #3.
In fact, most of the time, the answers we need (or the criteria we need to help us make the right decisions) are right there in Scripture for us - we just have to be willing to diligently study the wise counsel God has already given us.
He’s a generous Father who leads you.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” — James 1:5
🌿 What’s Really Under the Fear?
Let’s be honest for a second.
Sometimes, the fear of making the wrong decision is rooted in pride.
That might sound harsh—but it’s worth sitting with.
You think:
- I should be able to get this right.
- I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
- What if I mess up God’s plan?
But those thoughts reveal something deeper:
A belief that you have to be perfect... because maybe you don't believe God is.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” — Proverbs 16:9
You don’t need to have all the answers.
You need a heart that says:
“Lord, I want to follow You—even if I take a shaky first step.”
🪞What Faithful Decision-Making Looks Like
So if not fear or perfectionism… what does honoring God in our decisions actually look like?
Here’s what I encourage women to walk through:
1. Pray first.
Before the research. Before the social media polls. Before the phone calls.
Sit with the Lord.
“God, I want to honor You. Would You guide me?”
He is not silent.
He is not hiding.
He promises to lead those who seek Him.
2. Seek your husband’s counsel.
If you’re married, this is essential.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church...” — Ephesians 5:22–23
Your husband isn’t just a sounding board—he’s the God-ordained head of your home. God holds him responsible for the well-being of your family. That’s weighty. And it’s protective.
Invite his insight. Share your heart. Honor his leadership.
If he gives you freedom to decide—praise God. Walk in it.
But what if he makes a final call that’s different from what you wanted?
That’s where submission becomes obedience to the Lord—not just agreement with your husband.
And if that feels hard or frustrating—ask yourself:
Is it truly about honoring God… or just keeping control?
3. Seek wise, godly counsel.
Go beyond the internet.
Ask older women of faith. Ask women who know the Word, not just your situation.
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” — Proverbs 11:14
4. Check your motive.
Is the choice you are making because of:
- Fear of man?
- Desire for control?
- Comfort?
Or...
Is this aligned with biblical values, God’s Word, and the convictions He’s been stirring in my heart?
5. Look for peace—not ease.
Peace doesn’t always feel “easy.”
It might still feel scary, uncertain, or uncomfortable.
But it won’t feel frantic, pressured, or panicked.
“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...” — Colossians 3:15
When you feel that settled, Spirit-filled calm—even if it’s hard—that’s often your green light.
But a word of caution:
While emotions can be a gift from God, they should never be your final decision-maker.
Let the Word guide your choices—not just your feelings.
6. Make the decision.
Take one step forward.
Even a small one.
God leads people who are moving—not stuck in fear.
He won't force a parked car.
He doesn’t demand perfection. He desires surrender.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” — Psalm 119:105
He gives you enough light for the next step—not the entire map. HE knows the entire future; you don't have to.
🌸 A Word of Reassurance
Here’s a quote I love from A.W. Tozer:
“The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can’t make a wrong decision. Because a heart that is truly yielded to God’s will won’t deliberately choose rebellion.”
If your heart is surrendered, if you’re actively seeking Him, and if you’re willing to obey—God’s not going to let you miss it.
Even if you make the “less ideal” choice, God is still sovereign.
“We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28
He will redirect you if He wants to.
He can use the detours.
He can work with imperfect choices made in faith.
📝 A Gentle Exercise to Try Today
If you’re feeling stuck or anxious, here’s something simple you can do:
- Write down the decision that’s weighing on you.
- Ask God—out loud or in writing—for wisdom.
- Bring it to your husband. Hear his thoughts with humility and an open mind.
- Reach out to a godly mentor or older woman in the faith.
- Write down any motives you’re noticing in your heart.
- Ask the Lord to help you discern His will and align your desires with His.
- Then take one step. Just one.
You are not failing.
You are not behind.
You are being built—into a woman who trusts God, even in the fog.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be faithful.
Motherhood has a way of exposing all our insecurities, doesn’t it?
Like every decision is eternal.
Like if we get it wrong today, we’ll ruin tomorrow.
If you're anything like me, you've had moments where you've whispered under your breath,
“What if I’m messing them up?”
“How do I know I’m doing enough?”
“What if I’m messing them up?”
“How do I know I’m doing enough?”
Here’s what I want to remind you (and me):
God never asked us to be flawless. He asked us to be faithful.
God never asked us to be flawless. He asked us to be faithful.
“He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.”
Isaiah 40:11 isn't just a nice verse. That’s a description of YOUR Heavenly Father, sweet friend.
The Lord isn’t critiquing your performance—He’s gently leading you.
So if you’re in the thick of it today—worn out, unsure, or silently questioning yourself as a mother—here are three ways to shift from fear to faith:
1. Redefine success
Instead of measuring success by outcomes (your child's obedience, behavior, growth charts, or grade levels), ask this instead:
💬 Am I being faithful to teach, love, and point them to Christ?
That’s your job. Not saving them. Not perfect parenting.
Your faithfulness will serve them better than your attempts at being flawless.
2. Let them see you need Jesus too
You don’t have to be the hero in your home—Jesus already is.
Say it out loud:
"Mommy needs grace too."
"I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?"
"I lost my patience, but Jesus is helping me grow."
"Mommy needs grace too."
"I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?"
"I lost my patience, but Jesus is helping me grow."
Your kids don’t need perfection. They need to see repentance in real-time. That’s what forms disciples.
Modeling humility fosters their respect for you, and grows their own humility.
3. Stay rooted in truth
You don’t need more blogs, books, or parenting hacks. You need the Word of God anchoring your heart.
Start small. One chapter a day. Write a verse on a sticky note, or on your phone lock screen.
Let the truth do what only truth can do: renew your mind and steady your spirit.
“He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.” — Psalm 121:3
While you sleep, He watches over you.
While you stir oatmeal, fold laundry, and question everything—you are being kept.
So if today felt messy, pause.
Thank God for His mercy.
And remember this:
His mercies are new every morning—not just for your kids, but for you, too.
His mercies are new every morning—not just for your kids, but for you, too.
You’re not falling behind.
You’re being led.
You’re being led.
You don’t need to do more.
You need to abide more.
You need to abide more.
Take a deep breath.
He’s here in the mess with you.
He’s here in the mess with you.
Let’s Talk About It:
- What lies are you believing about “success” in motherhood?
- What would change if you started each day asking God to lead you gently?
- What Scripture could you cling to this week?
For the wife who wants to walk by faith, even when she doesn’t feel brave.
Fear doesn’t always show up loud.
Sometimes, it comes quietly.
A flicker of doubt in your chest.
A worry you can’t name but still feel.
A lingering thought at bedtime that keeps your eyes open longer than you want.
A worry you can’t name but still feel.
A lingering thought at bedtime that keeps your eyes open longer than you want.
As Christian wives and mothers, you and I know in our heads that God is sovereign.
We can quote the verses (even if we can’t always remember exactly where they are).
We can teach them to our kids.
And yet, our hearts can still feel shaky—especially when we look at our marriages, our children, or the uncertain future ahead.
Maybe you’ve had thoughts like:
- “I’m afraid my husband will never lead spiritually.”
- “What if I’m not doing enough for our kids?”
- “What if I’m failing quietly and no one sees it?”
These are the kinds of fears that don’t usually get posted online. But they’re real. And left unspoken, they grow in the dark.
“But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible.”
— Ephesians 5:13, ESV
The way forward isn’t pretending you're not afraid. It’s learning how to bring fear into the light of God’s Word—and letting truth speak louder.
When fear rises, try this:
1. Name the fear honestly.
Fear feeds on vagueness. Clarity is the first step to freedom.
Ask yourself:
- What is the fear beneath the surface?
- What outcome am I trying to control?
- What do I believe might happen if I let go?
Bring it into the light—not with shame, but with intention.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
— Psalm 56:3, ESV
God isn’t asking you to pretend. He’s inviting you to trust Him, right in the middle of your fear.
2. Identify the lie underneath.
Fear is rarely just about circumstances—it’s about belief.
Ask:
- What lie is this fear trying to make me believe?
- Does this align with who God is—or who I’ve made myself responsible to be?
Here are some common ones (that are often rooted in pride):
- “If I don’t hold everything together, no one will.”
- “I’m the only one who can fix this.”
- “God is good—but maybe not in this situation.”
These aren’t just thoughts—they’re accusations against the character of God. And they must be held up to the light of Scripture.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
— John 8:32, ESV
3. Replace the lie with Scripture—specifically.
It’s not enough to say “God is good.” You need to meet your exact fear with His exact Word.
Try these:
If you fear your husband isn't leading spiritually →
“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”
— Proverbs 21:1, ESV
If you fear the future →
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”
— Isaiah 41:10, ESV
If you fear your own limitations →
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV
Choose one verse. Write it down. Say it aloud. Preach it to your heart when fear whispers otherwise.
4. Pray like a daughter—not a hero.
You’re not expected to feel brave all the time. But you are invited to come boldly.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
— 2 Timothy 1:7, ESV
You don’t need to wait until your emotions catch up. Just come as you are and ask Him:
- Help me trust what You say over what I feel.
- Give me discernment to reject lies and cling to truth.
- Give me grace to be faithful—not perfect.
Reflect on this:
- What fear have you been carrying quietly?
- What lie has it been reinforcing?
- What verse speaks directly to that fear?
- What step of obedience would reflect your trust in God—even if the fear hasn’t fully lifted?
Remember - filling your heart and mind with Scripture daily through intentional Bible study will help you to combat fears. The more you study truth, the more you meditate on the truth of Who God is, the less susceptible you are to the lies of the world - or of your own mind.
God doesn’t promise we’ll never feel afraid.
He promises that His presence is greater. His Word is stronger. His Spirit is in us.
And that’s enough to take one more step today—with steadiness, not striving.
🖊️ Want to go deeper?
Write out one fear that’s been sitting quietly in your heart. Then write one verse that tells the truth about it (DM or email me if you need some guidance finding one!). Speak that truth every time the fear resurfaces this week.
You don’t need more self-confidence.
You need more Scripture in the silence.
And He has not left you alone.
You don’t have to feel fearless to be faithful. Just keep walking with the One who holds every moment in His hands.
In the beginning...
I'm sure you know the story. God creates all the things, then He breathes life into man.
He sees the first male as alone, and decides he needs a helper; then He creates woman FROM man.
Notice the reason woman was created was to be a helper. That role wasn't a result of the fall; it was assigned to her prior to the fall.
On the other hand, what WAS a result of the fall was woman's desire "for" her husband - most understood and recognized as her desire to control him.
As a result, one of the most common struggles for wives is the tendency to take control—over the schedule, the parenting decisions, the finances, the way things are done.
But underneath that need to control is often fear. Fear of failure, fear of chaos, or fear that things won’t go “right” unless she steps in (which - SPOILER - is also a HUGE indication of pride).
But God doesn’t call you to live from a place of fear. He calls you to trust Him—and one way that trust shows up is in how you relate to your husband.
When you spend time renewing your mind in Scripture, you begin to release the tight grip of control and instead gain quiet, Christ-centered confidence.
Confidence in the Lord allows you to respond with grace when your husband leads differently than you would.
I've heard it said that the measure of a woman's trust in God can be seen in how she submits to her husband.
Trusting the Lord helps you speak with wisdom instead of worry. It builds your ability to communicate with love rather than criticism. And most importantly, it strengthens your faith in God’s sovereignty over your home and marriage.
Practical steps in this area might include:
- Choosing not to "correct" every small thing your husband does differently than you.
- Praying before giving your opinion in a tense conversation.
- Trusting your husband with a parenting or financial decision—and supporting him, even if it’s not what you would do.
- Respecting your husband's decisions - even if you think they're completely wrong - because you know God can protect and guide your family THROUGH any decision, wrong or right.
- Meditating on verses like Isaiah 26:3 or Proverbs 3:5–6 that refocus your mind on God’s control, not yours.
Christ-centered confidence isn’t loud, harsh, or forceful. It’s quiet strength that flows from being anchored in the Word.
When you shift from controlling everything to trusting God in everything, your home—and heart—will experience peace like you could never imagine.
Need a little help? Grab the Marriage Scripture Journal—a 4-week guide to help you study full chapters of God’s Word and apply them to your marriage with clarity and confidence.
When I first heard the phrase “freedom in Christ,” I honestly thought it meant I didn’t have to follow a bunch of rules anymore.
I thought freedom meant no guilt, no standards, and no pressure.
But the more I studied Scripture for myself, the more I realized that freedom in Christ isn’t about doing what I want—it’s about finally being free to do what He created me to do.
As a wife and mom, that truth hit me hard - it still hits me hard when I really meditate on it.
I used to feel chained to expectations—mine, my husband’s, my kids’, the world’s.
I tried to be the perfect wife, the fun mom, the Pinterest-worthy homemaker. I was exhausted and still falling short.
But John 8:32 says,
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Once I started getting in the Word daily, not just reading devotionals or settling for a verse-of-the-day, but really studying the Bible, I realized I had misunderstood freedom.
Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I’m free from responsibility—it means I’m free within my calling.
I'm free from sin; I can't use the excuse that "I can't help myself" when I'm tempted to disobey, or to avoid an act of obedience.
1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us,
"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability"
I'm free from the "need" to please others, to be "just as good" at everything, and mostly importantly, I'm free from the need to control everything (the peace that comes when you recognize you're free from control because God Himself is in control...whew. THAT is peace beyond all comprehension!).
God’s Word gives me the boundaries I need to thrive in marriage, motherhood, and womanhood.
Scripture instructs me how to love my husband selflessly, how to train up my children, and how to fight the pull of sin - without trying to do it all in my own strength.
That’s real freedom.
If you’re feeling trapped—by shame, expectations, resentment, the tendency to control, or any other sin—I want to encourage you to open your Bible today.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal truth and freedom through it.
Pick a passage (maybe start in Romans 6!) and ask:
- What does this tell me about who Christ is?
- What does this tell me about what He desires from or for me?
- What lie have I been believing that this verse frees me from?
Truth is the key, friend. You don’t have to stay in bondage one more day, but you DO have to take responsibility for seeking that truth out in Scripture for yourself.
