In the beginning...
I'm sure you know the story. God creates all the things, then He breathes life into man.
He sees the first male as alone, and decides he needs a helper; then He creates woman FROM man.
Notice the reason woman was created was to be a helper. That role wasn't a result of the fall; it was assigned to her prior to the fall.
On the other hand, what WAS a result of the fall was woman's desire "for" her husband - most understood and recognized as her desire to control him.
As a result, one of the most common struggles for wives is the tendency to take control—over the schedule, the parenting decisions, the finances, the way things are done.
But underneath that need to control is often fear. Fear of failure, fear of chaos, or fear that things won’t go “right” unless she steps in (which - SPOILER - is also a HUGE indication of pride).
But God doesn’t call you to live from a place of fear. He calls you to trust Him—and one way that trust shows up is in how you relate to your husband.
When you spend time renewing your mind in Scripture, you begin to release the tight grip of control and instead gain quiet, Christ-centered confidence.
Confidence in the Lord allows you to respond with grace when your husband leads differently than you would.
I've heard it said that the measure of a woman's trust in God can be seen in how she submits to her husband.
Trusting the Lord helps you speak with wisdom instead of worry. It builds your ability to communicate with love rather than criticism. And most importantly, it strengthens your faith in God’s sovereignty over your home and marriage.
Practical steps in this area might include:
- Choosing not to "correct" every small thing your husband does differently than you.
- Praying before giving your opinion in a tense conversation.
- Trusting your husband with a parenting or financial decision—and supporting him, even if it’s not what you would do.
- Respecting your husband's decisions - even if you think they're completely wrong - because you know God can protect and guide your family THROUGH any decision, wrong or right.
- Meditating on verses like Isaiah 26:3 or Proverbs 3:5–6 that refocus your mind on God’s control, not yours.
Christ-centered confidence isn’t loud, harsh, or forceful. It’s quiet strength that flows from being anchored in the Word.
When you shift from controlling everything to trusting God in everything, your home—and heart—will experience peace like you could never imagine.
Need a little help? Grab the Marriage Scripture Journal—a 4-week guide to help you study full chapters of God’s Word and apply them to your marriage with clarity and confidence.
If you're anything like most wives today, you're trying your best to do it all—manage your home, caring for your children, serve at church, and do your best to love your husband well.
But far too often, those efforts are fueled by pressure, emotion, a sense of "Christian" duty, or even cultural expectations - rather than the truth of God's Word.
And when that’s the case, discouragement usually isn’t far behind.
The role of a godly wife wasn’t designed to be driven by emotion, pride, obligation, or performance. It was designed to be rooted in the truth of Scripture and faith in God.
When a woman renews her mind with the Word of God, everything changes—her tone, her perspective, her posture, and even her purpose.
She begins to see that her role isn’t just about meeting needs or keeping peace (and - spoiler alert - we're called to be MAKERS of peace, not keepers of peace).
The role of a godly wife is about glorifying God through her words, her attitude, and her trust in Him.
But you can't live out that role without understanding what God's Word says - not what other people tell you it says.
Wives who consistently spend time in the Word often begin to notice a shift:
🟣 their respect becomes more intentional
🟣 their love becomes more selfless
🟣 their communication becomes more patient.
Why? Because the Word sanctifies (John 17:17). It reshapes how you think, and therefore how you respond.
If you’ve felt stagnant or frustrated in your role as a wife, ask yourself: am I being shaped by the Word or by the world? Are my thoughts toward my husband rooted in truth, or in emotion?
This week, start small—spend 10–15 minutes reading one passage (Ephesians 5, Proverbs 31, or 1 Peter 3 are great places to begin).
Ask the Lord to show you something specific to apply. Write it down, pray it over your marriage, and revisit it daily.
Over time, you’ll see the transformation—not just in your actions, but in your heart.
Considering I talk a LOT about marriage and being a godly wife, I need to make a confession:
There was a season where I believed he was the problem. If only my husband were more "this" or did "that" less… then I could be the wife I wanted to be.
But the real turning point came when I stopped focusing on changing him and started studying God’s Word to change me.
(If I'm being really honest, this is still something I struggle with, and I need to remind myself that my goal of studying is so that I can learn and obey better, not to have ammunition against my husband or anyone else.)
The Bible is not a marriage advice book—it’s a heart transformation book.
When I got serious about studying it, making it my goal to learn more about God, what He desires for us and from us (especially with my marriage in mind), He started breaking chains I didn’t even know were there.
Chains of selfishness, bitterness, control.
Chains of unrealistic expectations and silent scorekeeping.
As I read Scripture, I realized that submission isn’t about being weak—it's about trusting God’s order.
Respect isn’t optional—it is my act of worship.
Sweet friend, if you’re in a tough season with your husband, I want to challenge you to go to Scripture first, not social media or even your closest girlfriend.
Ask God to show you what it means to be a helper, not a fixer.
Study the examples of women in the Bible—some got it right, some didn’t, but all of it points us back to Christ.
(Check out my dear friend Tania's deep study on this called The Helper - it's wonderful!)
One practical thing that may help you is keeping a marriage study journal.
As you read and study your Bible, ask God, “What do I need to do differently as a wife based on this?” Consider the applications you should make in your marriage, then journal what you're committed to doing and the passage you studied that brought it to light.
God’s Word will do the heavy lifting. You just have to keep showing up with a heart seeking truth and willing to change.
I remember the first time I used the SOAP method.
I signed up to lead an online Bible study for a group of women through Good Morning Girls. I didn't even know what a Bible study "method" was, I wasn't familiar with Good Morning Girls, I just knew I needed...something.
And what better way to stay accountable than to lead it, right?
It felt awkward at first—I wasn’t used to writing things out, making my own observations, figuring out for myself how to apply the passage, or praying the Scripture back to God.
But let me tell you: the fruit of that one tiny shift? Incredible.
Before SOAP, I was a check-the-box girl - if even that. I’d read a devotional, briefly skim the one verse included, take in what the author had to say, and then check off the box, satisfied that I'd done my duty.
My heart wasn’t changing, my responses weren’t growing in wisdom, and my marriage wasn’t being shaped by the Word I claimed to believe (but honestly - I didn't really even know it).
After SOAP, everything slowed down. I was no longer just reading—I was studying. Observing. Listening. Applying.
I started seeing where I needed to be more discerning with my husband (how to respect, but also how not enable or submit to abuse - this was all during my second marriage, so this is no reflection on my sweet husband that I'm married to now). I saw where I needed to speak more gently to my kids. Where my trust in the Lord was shaky and needed to grow.
SOAP helped me to see more of God in the Bible.
Here’s how it looks:
- S - Scripture: Write out the verse or passage, or summarize it.
- O - Observation: What stands out? Who is this about? What is the tone, the promise, the command? What sins should I avoid, what instructions should I obey? What truth is this revealing about man, Christ, God, or something else?
- A - Application: How can I apply this to my life as a wife, mom, or daughter of God?
- P - Prayer: Talk to God about what you’ve learned and ask Him to help you live it out.
SOAP was just the beginning; I've since discovered so many other study methods like Verse Mapping, the Bible Digest method, the 7 Lenses, SPECK, and more.
Currently I'm taking a course in Phrasing: breaking down a passage into each individual phrase, labeling the types of phrases and seeing how they all work together to relay the main message the author intended to convey. It's fascinating and helps me see how much more I will always have to learn about God's Word!
This week, try SOAP with a passage like Titus 2:3-5 or Ephesians 1 Peter 3:1-7.
And I do mean take a WEEK. Don't try to do it all in one sitting. Remember, the goal isn't to just check the box and be done for the day. The goal is to learn more about God and be transformed by His Word.
Take 10 minutes a day, or longer if you have it, and just see what happens as you intentionally focus on studying Scripture daily.
I promise—it’s a game-changer.
And when you find that you love it and you're ready to dig into another method, I'll be here for you!
If you’re in the trenches of motherhood with spit-up on your shoulder, three hours of sleep (on a good night), and a toddler clinging to your leg, I see you.
And I want you to hear me loud and clear: you are not failing if your Bible study doesn’t look like it used to.
This sacred season of motherhood—yes, even in its exhaustion—is one the Lord sees.
He’s not asking for quiet time perfection. He’s inviting you into communion, however messy or short it may be.
Isaiah 40:11 says,
“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” (emphasis mine)
What a sweet picture of His gentleness with mothers.
Maybe right now, your study looks like meditating on one verse all day.
Write it on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror or the fridge. Use feeding times or nap rocking as moments to pray that verse or ask the Lord to help you understand it more deeply.
Listen to an audio Bible while folding laundry or playing blocks on the floor (bonus: your kids hear it then too!).
Hang Scripture verse cards in your home where you’ll see them often.
Music counts too! Sing hymns over your home and your heart while loading or unloading the dishwasher.
Quick wins for this season:
- Pick one verse a day and meditate on it (work on memorization, look up the context and make sure you understand the author's intention and meaning so you meditate on truth rather than opinion or incorrect interpretation)
- Use audio Bibles—play it in the background while you’re nursing or changing diapers
- Stick Scripture cards around the house for bite-sized truth
- Pray Scripture during feedings or even during midnight wake-ups (have you seen my Titus 2 or 1 Peter Prayer Cards?)
Most importantly: give yourself grace.
God is not grading your Bible study. He simply desires for your heart to prioritize Him. Even five minutes with the Lord can change your entire day when it’s done in faith.
Let Matthew 11:28 remind you that Jesus beckons you:
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
If you feel like you're reading for a more structured Bible study, reach out to me! I have been praying over the idea of offering customized Bible study plans, based on your style of learning, the time you have available, and what you'd like to study. This would also be an opportunity to learn new Bible study methods to help you dig in deeper.
In the meantime, check out the other digital tools available, and let me know what ONE thing you'll do today to prioritize God in your day!
