One of the most sacred and silent fears I hear from women is:
“What if my husband never becomes the spiritual leader I pray for?”
That ache runs deep.
It’s often whispered through tears, tucked inside prayer journals, or carried silently in conversations with God.
You long to see your husband flourish in Christ.
You dream of him leading your family with wisdom and strength.
And when it doesn’t happen… it’s easy to drift toward control, resentment, or quiet despair.
But sweet friend — Scripture speaks straight into this place.
🕊 A Word From the Word
1 Peter 3:1–2 (ESV) says:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives —
when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
This isn’t a call to silence.
The Greek meaning of "without a word" here means THE Word. It means don't preach Scripture at your husband when he's already not inclined to obey it.
It does not mean to ignore or enable sin. It doesn't mean to hide your concerns, fears, or wisdom.
What it does mean is to use strength in surrender.
It’s not about pretending or performing — it’s about trusting that God is at work, even when you can’t see it.
🙏 Truth You Need to Know
Here’s what I remind women often — and I want you to hear it too:
- Your husband’s sanctification is not your responsibility.
But your response is. - Your role is not to lead him spiritually.
Your role is to honor God faithfully — and let the aroma of Christ be what shapes your home. - You’re not powerless in this.
But your power comes from prayer, not pressure.
Let’s pause here for a moment of reflection. Ask yourself:
- Have I confused spiritual leadership with spiritual performance?
- Am I trying to change him in my timing — instead of trusting God’s?
- Where am I withholding respect because I’m waiting for results?
- IMPORTANT NOTE: As a wife, you are called to respect your husband unconditionally - just as your husband is called to love you unconditionally. Withholding respect until he "earns" it is directly disobeying God's instructions. (Ephesians 5:33)
❤️ What Obedience Looks Like
Here are three areas the Lord may be inviting you to walk in faith:
1. Respect without manipulation.
Are your words building him up — or are you tearing him down quietly in your heart?
“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” — Proverbs 31:12
2. Prayer without condition.
Are you praying for him every day — or only when you’re upset or disappointed?
“Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.” — Colossians 4:2
3. Trust without striving.
Are you trying to be the Holy Spirit — or letting God be God?
“The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.” — Psalm 147:11
✍️ A Gentle Action Step
Let’s take the pressure off and anchor ourselves in prayer.
Today, write down three prayers for your husband.
Not things to fix. Not character traits to force.
But areas where you’re asking God to move.
Then ask yourself:
- What would it look like to trust God with no deadline?
- Can I worship while I wait?
- Can I choose peace even when the story doesn’t look how I hoped?
✨ A Loving Warning: Don’t Wait to Rejoice
There’s one more thing I need to say — gently, but clearly. I learned this the hard way, and I want to spare you some pain.
If your joy is on hold until your husband leads…
If your peace depends on your picture-perfect marriage…
If your heart aches more over his stagnancy than it delights in Christ’s sufficiency…
If your peace depends on your picture-perfect marriage…
If your heart aches more over his stagnancy than it delights in Christ’s sufficiency…
Then it may be time to ask:
Have I made my husband, or my dream of biblical marriage, an idol?
We don’t usually call it that.
It can look like longing. Grief. Disappointment.
But if you believe you can’t be whole, fulfilled, or deeply joyful without him leading spiritually the way you believe he should…
Then you're saying Jesus isn’t enough.
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” — Psalm 73:25–26
Marriage is good.
A spiritually mature husband is beautiful.
But he was never meant to be your Savior. And it's unfair to put that expectation on him.
Your fulfillment, purpose, and security were never designed to rest on the shoulders of a man — even a godly one.
That weight belongs only to Christ.
And the good news?
He can carry it.
So let your first love be Jesus.
Let your joy come not from what could be — but from what already is.
Let your worship rise even if your circumstances don’t.
You are known.
You are loved.
You are held.
You are loved.
You are held.
Right here. Right now.
🕯 Final Word
Sweet friend, your hope is not in your husband’s growth.
It’s in the unshakable, all-knowing, always-moving heart of God.
He sees.
He hears.
He’s not slow to act — He’s working in ways you may never fully understand this side of heaven.
He hears.
He’s not slow to act — He’s working in ways you may never fully understand this side of heaven.
“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:24
So keep planting seeds of faith.
Keep showing up with quiet strength.
And remember: You don’t need a perfect marriage to live a faithful life.
Jesus is enough. And He is with you.
For the wife who wants to walk by faith, even when she doesn’t feel brave.
Fear doesn’t always show up loud.
Sometimes, it comes quietly.
A flicker of doubt in your chest.
A worry you can’t name but still feel.
A lingering thought at bedtime that keeps your eyes open longer than you want.
A worry you can’t name but still feel.
A lingering thought at bedtime that keeps your eyes open longer than you want.
As Christian wives and mothers, you and I know in our heads that God is sovereign.
We can quote the verses (even if we can’t always remember exactly where they are).
We can teach them to our kids.
And yet, our hearts can still feel shaky—especially when we look at our marriages, our children, or the uncertain future ahead.
Maybe you’ve had thoughts like:
- “I’m afraid my husband will never lead spiritually.”
- “What if I’m not doing enough for our kids?”
- “What if I’m failing quietly and no one sees it?”
These are the kinds of fears that don’t usually get posted online. But they’re real. And left unspoken, they grow in the dark.
“But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible.”
— Ephesians 5:13, ESV
The way forward isn’t pretending you're not afraid. It’s learning how to bring fear into the light of God’s Word—and letting truth speak louder.
When fear rises, try this:
1. Name the fear honestly.
Fear feeds on vagueness. Clarity is the first step to freedom.
Ask yourself:
- What is the fear beneath the surface?
- What outcome am I trying to control?
- What do I believe might happen if I let go?
Bring it into the light—not with shame, but with intention.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
— Psalm 56:3, ESV
God isn’t asking you to pretend. He’s inviting you to trust Him, right in the middle of your fear.
2. Identify the lie underneath.
Fear is rarely just about circumstances—it’s about belief.
Ask:
- What lie is this fear trying to make me believe?
- Does this align with who God is—or who I’ve made myself responsible to be?
Here are some common ones (that are often rooted in pride):
- “If I don’t hold everything together, no one will.”
- “I’m the only one who can fix this.”
- “God is good—but maybe not in this situation.”
These aren’t just thoughts—they’re accusations against the character of God. And they must be held up to the light of Scripture.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
— John 8:32, ESV
3. Replace the lie with Scripture—specifically.
It’s not enough to say “God is good.” You need to meet your exact fear with His exact Word.
Try these:
If you fear your husband isn't leading spiritually →
“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”
— Proverbs 21:1, ESV
If you fear the future →
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”
— Isaiah 41:10, ESV
If you fear your own limitations →
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV
Choose one verse. Write it down. Say it aloud. Preach it to your heart when fear whispers otherwise.
4. Pray like a daughter—not a hero.
You’re not expected to feel brave all the time. But you are invited to come boldly.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
— 2 Timothy 1:7, ESV
You don’t need to wait until your emotions catch up. Just come as you are and ask Him:
- Help me trust what You say over what I feel.
- Give me discernment to reject lies and cling to truth.
- Give me grace to be faithful—not perfect.
Reflect on this:
- What fear have you been carrying quietly?
- What lie has it been reinforcing?
- What verse speaks directly to that fear?
- What step of obedience would reflect your trust in God—even if the fear hasn’t fully lifted?
Remember - filling your heart and mind with Scripture daily through intentional Bible study will help you to combat fears. The more you study truth, the more you meditate on the truth of Who God is, the less susceptible you are to the lies of the world - or of your own mind.
God doesn’t promise we’ll never feel afraid.
He promises that His presence is greater. His Word is stronger. His Spirit is in us.
And that’s enough to take one more step today—with steadiness, not striving.
🖊️ Want to go deeper?
Write out one fear that’s been sitting quietly in your heart. Then write one verse that tells the truth about it (DM or email me if you need some guidance finding one!). Speak that truth every time the fear resurfaces this week.
You don’t need more self-confidence.
You need more Scripture in the silence.
And He has not left you alone.
You don’t have to feel fearless to be faithful. Just keep walking with the One who holds every moment in His hands.
There’s no greater picture of forgiveness than the cross.
As Jesus hung there, suffering for our sins, He spoke words that still shake me to the core (Luke 23:34):
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"
If Jesus could extend that kind of mercy in His darkest moment, what does that mean for us in our everyday lives—especially in marriage and motherhood?
Forgiveness is hard. When your husband says something hurtful, when your kids push every button you have, when a friend disappoints or hurts you—it’s easy to hold onto resentment.
But sweet friend, withholding forgiveness, hanging on to that resentment and the bitterness that results, only keeps you in bondage.
Jesus didn’t just forgive to be nice; He forgave to set us free. And He calls us to do the same.
In marriage, forgiveness is crucial.
Regardless of how wonderful your husband may be, he will mess up—just like you do.
Choosing to forgive, rather than keeping score, creates an environment of grace where love can thrive.
A practical step? Instead of rehashing past wrongs, choose to focus on solutions and moving forward together.
I know what you might be thinking: "What if he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again?"
That's an entirely different topic, but let's touch on it real quick.
If it's a true sin issue where he is unrepentant, like looking at porn, cheating, getting drunk every night, abuse, or other things that are clear-cut sins, I would encourage you to seek wise, godly, biblical counseling. There are different nuances within each of those issues that go deeper than I can discuss in a blog post.
If it's a personal conviction - or even just personal preference - issue where you don't want him to do something (or TO do something) that he doesn't keep up, I would encourage you to seek God and ask if this is a situation where He is asking YOU to change. Your husband's convictions will likely be different from your own on many topics. You may feel convicted about living a clean, toxin free lifestyle; he may not feel convicted to prioritize that.
Listen, I will be real with you and say this one is a STRUGGLE for me. While it doesn't necessarily require me to forgive my husband, it DOES require me to continue treating him with respect, honor, and love, despite any aggravation I may feel because he's not doing the things I feel convicted that he should be doing.
If you're experiencing anything like that, please reach out to me - I would be honored to walk through this with you and offer any biblical wisdom or godly counsel that I am able.
As moms, we can also model forgiveness for our children.
When they see you forgive quickly and extend grace, they learn to do the same.
A simple way to practice this is by apologizing when you lose our temper or forget to follow through on something, showing them that grace isn’t just something you talk about—it’s something you live.
This also gives them an opportunity to practice forgiveness themselves.
And I can hear another question you might be asking: what if the other person hasn't asked for forgiveness?
Romans 5:8 tells us:
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
You didn't ask for forgiveness before Christ gave His life for you.
There are so many others who have been offered forgiveness in Christ that have not asked for His forgiveness - yet it is still extended, available to them, offered freely.
The forgiveness you give FREES YOU from bitterness, resentment, anxiety, anger, and the actual physical manifestations of those things that can wreak havoc on your body and ruin your ability to live out God's will for you.
Let's deal with another question: does forgiveness require me to reconcile?
If the other person is unrepentant in their sin, and maintaining a relationship with them puts you in a situation that is dangerous (emotionally, physically, spiritually), then NO - you are not required to reconcile. Reconciliation takes two people works towards a shared goal of unity in the relationship.
If the other person is repentant and actively desiring reconciliation, and you see fruit of the repentance in their life indicating that a relationship with them could be safe, then I would encourage you to prayerfully consider reconciling with them. Depending on the severity of the sin committed against you, this is absolutely something you will need to seek God's guidance in.
The cross teaches us that forgiveness is powerful. It breaks chains, heals wounds, and brings peace.
As a response to our Easter celebration two weeks ago, focusing on Christ's resurrection, let’s ask God to soften our hearts and help us walk in the freedom that comes with forgiving as we have been forgiven.
Now that we're well into Spring, and Easter is on the horizon, there's a good chance you're either planning your Resurrection Day celebration dinner with family, your Easter Egg hunts, or you're just trying to stop sneezing and be able to breathe with all the pollen. (Maybe that last one is just me.)
I'd like to invite you to consider something different about this season of Easter.
Easter is all about new beginnings. Jesus didn’t stay in the tomb—He rose to bring new life, a life in eternal glory with Him!
And just like He brought renewal to the world, He is able to bring renewal to our marriages too.
Let’s be real—marriage can feel stale at times.
The daily grind of life, unspoken frustrations, and the busyness of raising kids can take a toll. All of a sudden you realize - marriage feels HARD.
So how can you experience the fresh renewal that Easter represents in your marriage?
First, let’s look at what renewal actually means. It’s not about ignoring issues or pretending things are perfect.
In Romans 12:2, Paul tells us,
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
How are we transformed? By the renewal of our minds.
This "renewal" means a change of heart or mind. It requires intention (along with the work of the Holy Spirit - we can do nothing without Him).
According to BibleHub.com, "{Renewal} implies a restoration to a former state or an improvement to a new and better condition."
Did you catch that? A restoration to a former state - when you first got married - or an improvement to a NEW and BETTER condition.
Can you imagine your marriage renewed and even better than it was?!
Renewal comes when we invite Jesus into the broken places and allow Him to breathe new life into them.
Just as He overcame death, He can overcome the struggles in our marriages—whether that’s communication breakdowns, unmet expectations, or emotional distance.
This does require intention on your part. While Jesus is capable of miracles that don't involve action on our part, most of the miracles He performed included others taking on certain tasks as well.
One way to seek renewal in your marriage is through forgiveness.
Jesus’ death and resurrection made way for our sins to be forgiven, and He calls you to extend that same grace to your husband.
Holding onto bitterness keeps you stuck, but choosing to forgive—even when it’s hard—opens the door for healing.
To avoid that bitterness from creeping back in, it's imperative that you develop the habit of thinking the BEST of your husband, rather than assuming the worst. For example, when he forgets something, extend the same grace God offers to you, and assume your husband was simply forgetful, rather than neglectful or uncaring.
Another step is intentionally reconnecting.
Plan a date night (even if you're always the one to plan them - that may be a strength you have that he doesn't, so lean into your strength), leave a sweet note, take on a task that he normally completes or you know he dislikes, or simply take a few moments each day to laugh together.
Small efforts can bring a fresh sense of connection. It's usually those daily, small efforts that get forgotten in the daily busy-ness of life, so they're important to intentionally bring back.
And most importantly, pray for your marriage.
Ask God to renew your love, restore joy, and help you both grow together in Him.
Ask your husband what he is currently praying for, or what he would love to have you pray for him. That simple connection alone, knowing that you're in his corner appealing to God on his behalf, can bring so much restoration to your marriage.
Easter reminds us that nothing is too far gone for Jesus to restore.
As we lean into His resurrection power, we can experience a marriage that isn’t just surviving but thriving.
If you'd like to dive deeper into this, be sure to check out the 7-Day Spring Clean Your Marriage challenge! This is a challenge you can begin at any time - and repeat as often as you'd like - to clear out what isn't working, bring back what used to work, and create new habits that will strengthen and fortify your marriage. Click the link below for more information!
We’ve spent this past month of March talking about spring cleaning—decluttering our hearts, our marriages, and even our Bible study routines.
And sweet friend, if you’re anything like me, you may have uncovered some things that you weren’t expecting (or maybe you were, but you were hoping you wouldn't see!).
🧹Maybe as you dug into your marriage, you realized there’s been some lingering resentment you haven’t fully released.
🧹Maybe in your heart, God revealed places where bitterness or pride have taken root.
🧹Maybe in your Bible study, you’ve noticed that your time with the Lord has been more about checking off a box than actually growing in knowledge of and intimacy with Him.
Spring cleaning is important—it makes space for what truly matters.
But here’s the thing: clearing out isn’t the final step. It’s what comes next that really changes things.
After we’ve emptied our hearts of clutter, we need to intentionally fill them with the things of Christ.
That’s what April is all about. Renewal. New life. Walking in the fullness of what God has for us.
Because if we don’t allow God to renew and refresh us, we’ll end up right back where we started—cluttered, overwhelmed, and spiritually stagnant.
So today, let’s talk about how to take the next step. How do we move from just cleaning to truly renewing our hearts, our marriages, and our faith?
1. Renewing Your Heart: Replacing Lies with Truth
One of the biggest barriers to renewal is the lies we believe. Lies like:
❌ I’m not a good enough wife or mom.
❌ My marriage will never change.
❌ I’ll never be consistent in my faith.
❌ I’m not a good enough wife or mom.
❌ My marriage will never change.
❌ I’ll never be consistent in my faith.
These thoughts may feel true, but friend, they are straight from the enemy.
The best way to renew your heart is to replace these lies with God’s truth:
✅ God’s grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).
✅ God can restore what is broken (Joel 2:25).
✅ God is working in me to grow and strengthen my faith (Philippians 1:6).
✅ God can restore what is broken (Joel 2:25).
✅ God is working in me to grow and strengthen my faith (Philippians 1:6).
Action Step: Start a “truth journal.” Each morning, write down one lie you’ve been believing and then write the truth from Scripture that replaces it. When you feel yourself slipping back into those old thoughts, go back and read the truth.
2. Renewing Your Marriage: Cultivating Grace and Forgiveness
Spring cleaning your marriage may have brought up some things you didn’t love—old arguments, unresolved hurts, or just the weight of the daily grind pulling you apart instead of together.
Renewal in marriage means learning to release and refill.
Release the offenses you’ve been holding onto. Refill your marriage with grace, kindness, and intentional love.
Ephesians 4:32 says,
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
We cannot move forward in a thriving marriage if we’re still clinging to past offenses.
Action Step: Choose one way to actively bless your husband today, regardless of how you feel. Maybe it’s making his favorite meal, sending a kind text, or simply choosing to let go of something minor that’s been irritating you. Watch how small acts of grace shift the atmosphere in your home.
3. Renewing Your Faith: Moving from Routine to Relationship
Maybe last month you realized that your Bible study has felt dry or more like a duty than a delight.
Renewing your faith means shifting your perspective from “I have to do this” to “I get to do this.”
Psalm 51:10 says,
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
That’s our prayer. That God wouldn’t just clean out the old but that He would renew our spirits so that we hunger for Him more than before.
Action Step: This week, try something new in your quiet time. If you always read devotionals, spend time in just the Word. If you typically just read a chapter (or several), try using a study method like S.O.A.P. or Verse Mapping to breathe new insight into your reading. If you always study alone, invite a friend to study with you. Shake things up and invite God to bring fresh excitement to your time with Him.
Let’s Step into the Newness of Life
Cleaning out is good, but filling up with what is life-giving is better.
So as we step into April, let’s not just leave empty spaces where the clutter used to be. Let’s fill those spaces with truth, grace, and renewed passion for Christ.
Friend, God is always in the business of making things new—including you. Let’s step into this next season expecting Him to work in our hearts, our marriages, and our faith.
I’d love to hear from you—what’s one area of your life where you’re asking God for renewal right now? Drop a comment below and let’s encourage each other!
To make sure you never miss a post, and for MORE weekly encouragement, tips, and truth for your heart, home, and marriage:
