Friend, I have been there before.
In my previous marriage, when I was trying so hard to be the godly, submissive wife, there was still quite a rift and I didn't know what to do about it.
Despite what I felt were my best efforts, it seemed like my husband wasn't trying at all. There would be some good days, when I would thank God and pray, asking, "Why can't all of our days be this peaceful and fun?" Then there would be days when he would come home late and drunk, or wake up in the morning already angry with me.
I was doing all I knew how to do, and I felt like it was just on him at this point. He needed to step up. He needed to make an effort. He needed to love me as Christ loved the Church, the way a godly husband is instructed to love his wife!
God revealed something to me in that season. He reminded me that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
Before we even knew who Jesus was, He died for us.
Before we even had the chance to love Him, He died for us.
Even now, when we do know Him and have promised to love Him, yet still reject Him through our sin and disobedience, He continues to pursue us, being faithful, gentle, and loving.
So why should we go first in our marriage?
Because, sweet sister, our goal is to be more like Jesus. Not more like our husbands.
We are not to emulate the behavior of sinners. We are to emulate the behavior of our Savior.
Jesus went first. Jesus continues to pursue.
That means we are to go first. We are to continue to pursue.
I know it sounds daunting, impossible even, at times. But we know that God equips us when He instructs us. He doesn't expect us to figure it out on our own, nor does He leave us to gather the strength and ability to make it happen. He offers us His strength to accomplish His will.
Our job is to accept His strength and use it.
One thing we can do for our marriages, that I'm sure you're already doing, is pray. We need to pray unceasingly.
Another thing we can do is find a way to show our husbands respect and kindness every day.
You might be asking yourself how exactly to do that, and I have a gift I'd like to share with you.
I've created a 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness For Your Husband calendar that you can download and print out.
You can choose to do all of these, or pick a few, or maybe just allow them to inspire you to come up with your own kindnesses to offer your husband.
My prayer is that this will be a tangible tool for you in your marriage, to strengthen the bond between you and your husband.
You can grab your copy of the calendar HERE.
Tell me in the comments if you find it easy to "go first", or if this has been a struggle for you.
NOTE: if you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, that is an entirely different topic. We are NOT called to submit to abuse. If this is happening to you, please first ensure your safety and that of your children, and seek wise, godly counsel.
'Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. ' John 2:7-8
How many times have you prayed for a miracle in your marriage?
How many years have you asked God to do a work in your husband, to fix the relationship, to turn things around to where they were when you first chose each other?
After all of those prayers, what did you do?
Did you say, "Amen" and then wait in anticipation for God to perform His miracle?
Or did you sit quietly and listen for Him to give you instructions on how you could partner with Him to make it happen?
In John's recount of Jesus' first public miracle when He turned water into wine, he notes that Jesus asked the servants to fill the jars with water. They obeyed, and then He asked them to draw some out and bring it to the host of the wedding.
Jesus could have easily filled the jars Himself through a miracle, or He could have miraculously refilled the empty wine glasses or pitchers with wine.
Yet He didn't. He asked the servants to partner with Him in carrying out this miracle.
We've all heard the story of the loaves and fishes, when Jesus multiplied the small amounts that were given. He could have created a spectacular meal for everyone there by miraculously supplying all sorts of meats, cheeses, fruits, and wine.
But He didn't. He used what was given, and then He used the disciples to distribute the food to everyone.
In almost every single miracle Jesus performed, He didn't simply snap His fingers, or wiggle His nose. He used people that were willing to accomplish what needed to be done.
What can we learn from this when we're praying for a miracle?
- We need to be open to allowing God to use us in accomplishing His miracles, not just pray and expect Him to "do His thing".
- Our hearts must be willing to obey what He asks of us - including what He's already expressed in Scripture. Are you reading His word daily, taking note of what He's instructed wives to do to build up their marriages and homes? Are you intentional to obey those instructions, even the hard ones like "obey your husband"?
- We must have eyes open to see the small miracles He's already performing. The host of the wedding didn't even notice a miracle had occurred; how many miracles are we missing?
It's possible that your miracle is waiting around the corner, and God is simply holding out His hand for you to take and partner with Him before He brings it to fruition.
What miracle are you praying for today? How can I pray for you?
